The Many Ups and Down and Inbetweens of YouTube Vlogging
by thechosenone305
Summary: A midlife crisis is when you are having an emotional crisis of identity. An existential crisis is when you question the meaning of life and the universe and essentially, realizing that you only had one life that was bitterly short. And Jean Kirstein just happened to have a combination of both the night before college entrance exams. Inspired by tumblr user moeskins's YouTube AU.
1. And on that night

**A/N: With blessing from tumblr user moeskine, who created the amazing SNK YouTube AU, I made this fanfic. It will be multi-chaptered! Honestly, I'm really excited about this AU. I swear, I'll update my other fanfics soon. I will. But really, I just wanted to get this one out in the open because I love this AU so much like y'all got no idea.**

**Yes, Jean and Marco are inspired from Dan and Phil.**

**This one is a bit expository because it explains Jean's dilemma from the beginning, preparing the rest of the tale. More characters will show up, I assure you. They will.**

**Again, thank you to moeskine for allowing me to write this fanfic! Love ya gurl!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Attack on Titan.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

There was a major difference in an existential crisis and a midlife crisis.

A midlife crisis is when you are having an emotional crisis of identity and a lack of self-confidence when you're middle age.

An existential crisis is when you question the meaning of life and the universe and essentially, realizing that you only had one life that was bitterly short.

And Jean Kirstein just happened to have a combination of both the night before college entrance exams.

* * *

Jean Kirstein was having a great summer until he remembered he had to study for college entrance exams the night before.

He lived with his best friend, had a summer off from college, had an alright job at the movie theater around the corner. He was a YouTube vlogger, known as jeanisnotahorse. He was moderately popular at the moment, but he was getting there.

He started making videos when he was a freshman in high school, usually of him and his friends just fooling around and having fun. Then, after persuasion from his best friend Marco, a local famous YouTuber, he started making vlogs when he was a junior. In the beginning, they were just vlogs chronicling the daily details of his life. And somehow, he started getting famous.

He collaborated with his best friend, Marco. Also known as AmazingMarco on YouTube. Marco was more popular than him at the time, his amount of subscribers a few thousand more than Jean's. But it was fine because they both enjoyed what they were doing, and really, they were having a lot of fun.

Soon, he started to get serious about it and made it consistent. He started gaining fans across the social media networks, many of them from around the world too. He tried to be consistent. One vlog per week, maybe two if he wasn't too busy procrastinating. And sometimes, it was too damn hectic to even think of a video because having a job and being a college student was a major bitch.

Jean never really knew what he wanted to do with his life.

So, like the dumbass he was at the time, he thought that if he went to college, he'll be able to put off that decision for a good four years. It worked in high school, so why not give it a shot?

One year in and he realized he hated it.

Don't get him wrong, some of his friends he made there were great. The teachers were cool, the food was awesome. But soon, everything became irritating. He was sad about going to classes. Hell, not even Pokemon interested him anymore.

Conversations Marco started about Pokemon soon turned into:

"Hey Jean, there's a new Pokemon episode."

"Pikachu doesn't understand my pain."

Yeah, for a while, Jean wasn't fun to be around. Marco stuck around though. It was a miracle, really.

He lived off campus with Marco in a pretty big apartment/flat. It had a nice view and enough room for them two. Marco didn't choose to go to college, even though he would've been one hell of a student. He said it wasn't his thing, he just wanted to enjoy his life. He worked two jobs, one with Jean at the movie theater and another in a restaurant as a waiter on the weekends. People used to nag him about it, but soon, it didn't get brought up anymore.

Jean wished his parents were accepting like Marco's. That he didn't need a degree to be happy. All he needed was good food, good video games, his friends and the internet.

But of course, college didn't give him time for that.

It was saddening. Some days, Jean was fucking peachy. He would be making videos and having a blast with Marco and his friends, then the sudden realization that he had one life in the huge universe known to man came to him. And then came along the other realization that he was doing nothing considered "successful" in said life.

Basically, he had no fucking clue about what to do with his life.

He moped about it for days, sometimes even weeks. He was stuck in a permanent, repeating existential crisis, constantly going over the meaning of life and the importance of each and every decisions he has made, big and small. It was a void he didn't know how to get out.

It was like this during both semesters of college. Jean wondered how Marco was able to put up with him and his constant depressing bullshit. He really did.

His college had a policy; if you wanted to stay another year in the university, you had to take an entrance exams for the course. Jean reluctantly signed up. He could feel the stress be handed to him as he received a thick folder with a lot of stapled packets that served as a course review.

He died in the inside a little bit more when he saw the pages of long, boring text about things he didn't even care about.

It was then when he realized a week later that if he stayed at the university, he would be giving up on all his dreams and be condemning himself for another year of boringness.

Like he dealt with all his problems, Jean laid on the floor, focusing on the ceiling as if it had any answer to his dilemma.

Needless to say, Marco wasn't too surprised when he found Jean laying on his bedroom floor asleep next to the manila review folder.

Marco didn't even say anything. He just sighed and draped a blanket over his friend.

It was like that for the remaining days.

Then once summer rolled around, it was like that book of angst was temporarily unavailable because Jean was finally happy.

He spent it eating, visiting family, catching up on all TV series he missed, reading books, on the internet, with Marco, playing video games, and he even went to the beach.

June was a blast. July was a lot of fun.

Then August rolled around.

Jean was feeling good about his life until his phone flashed a reminder that he had his college entrance exams in ten hours.

And that was when his entire world came crashing down.

"Oh shit."

"Jean? What's wrong?"

"I have my entrance exams tomorrow."

Marco frowned, then realized what Jean was referring to.

"Oh….." he said, flatly. "What are you going to do?" he asked, hesitant.

Nervously, Jean ran his hands through his hair. "I mean, they're over finance and business, right? They can't be that bad." He was good with numbers.

He went to his bedroom and rummaged through the many papers on his desk and found the manila folder, the one he hated and never paid a single second of attention to during the entire summer.

He was gonna do it. He was gonna take this stupid test.

_Okay, this is gonna be a piece of cake._

Jean finally sat down determined on the couch and pulled out one of the packets.

"Alright. It's 11 p.m. Exam 10 hours. Time to do some cramming."

Marco gave Jean a thumbs up and a grin and returned to his video game.

As he read through all the boring text, Jean could feel the burden and despair from his first year of college return. He could feel it closer and closer and closer, making the words blur and his thoughts become a jumbled mess.

Jean only got one passage in until he gave up.

"I'm not doing it!" he exclaimed, throwing the paper on the floor.

Marco looked up, pausing the Spyro game. "What?" he asked.

"No one can make me do it!"

"Jean, what are you talking about?"

"I'm not going," Jean crossed his arms. His jaw and mind were set. He wasn't gonna do it.

Marco frowned, puzzled. "Jean?" he asked, confused.

"I've had enough! I have the power of free will to make my own decisions!"

"So you're not going to take the exams?"

"Fuck no. Those exams can go screw themselves because guess who's not going to take them? Me," Jean explained. He was angry, not sure if at himself or choosing a finance major. "I'm not gonna be some 40 year old hardass hating their life just because of a stupid decision to major in finance. I'm not gonna hurt myself for it. So fuck it."

Marco was growing concerned. "Jean, are you sure?"

"Surest I've been my whole life."

"But you need to go to the exams," Marco added.

"Not if I don't give a fucking fuck anymore I don't!" Jean snapped, throwing the packets onto the ground.

Marco jumped, taken aback by Jean's outburst.

Jean fumed for a few minutes only to end up crying.

"Oh come on, Jean! Cheer up!"

"I'm going to fail at life, Marco."

"Why?"

"Because I hate finance! How am I going to be successful?!" Jean asked, in between tears.

Marco knew the best decision on how to deal with an upset Jean; distraction.

"How about I make you some hot chocolate and blankets and we watch a couple of movies? Sound good?"

"Yeah. It sounds good."

"Good," Marco smiled, squeezing Jean's arm. He stood up and left the living room.

It was then when Jean realized that there's no point being constantly depressed about his own life unless he actually tried to do something about it. Unless he tried to do what he wanted to do with it.

Later on that night, Jean and Marco were watching Finding Nemo. Jean was being kept warm by blankets and hot chocolate, courtesy of Marco. Honestly, he had the greatest friend in the world.

"I'm sorry about earlier," Jean said softly.

"It's okay. It's better to have a mid-life crisis when you're still a teenager and not when you're fifty and it's too late to do anything about it."

"Marco, I'm going to drop out of college."

"If it's going to make you happy, go for it."

"Thanks man."

"What are friends for?"

That was the night Jean made a life changing decision to drop out of college. It was also the night he realized he had the greatest friend in the whole world. It was also the night he decided to take reigns of his destiny and start making the best of it.

And that night was the beginning of the many changes he was going to make in his life.

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**A/N: How was that? I loved writing it! It felt great writing fanfic again :) But yay, first chapter is done! More characters will show up, ships are still pending. This is gonna be one hell of a ride.**

**Thank you for reading! Reviews would be great!**


	2. Wiping the Slate Clean

**A/N: Hey gang! Sorry for the delay! I went a week without WiFi. It was scary. All I had was my phone and y'all; I had to upload this chapter from my phone. **

**Yes. **

**My phone.**

**I honestly still don't know how I made it work, but I still somehow did. But I'm just going to say the following: dear fanfiction writer that one time wrote in her author's note that she uploaded it from her phone, thank you. You made me see the light and that important tidbit of information assisted me in my quest. LEVEL UP.**

**Anyways, since I went through so much hassle to upload this chapter here first, I'm going to have to wait till tomorrow during school to be able to upload it onto AO3 for those folks over there. Or tonight. I'm not sure. I got lucky with the magic today.**

**I really need my internet back. I'm going crazy without it.**

**And during the weekend, I had a lovely cold mixed with allergies. It wasn't pleasant. But I drank some tea and medicine, so now I feel better. I also have a Deadpool poster now! I'm very happy about that. **

**And for the reviewers from the previous chapter: thank you so much for the feedback! I loved it! All the faves and alerts made my day. **

Chapter Two: Wiping the Slate Clean

When best friends live together, they eventually learn how to deal with problems.

Whenever Jean was upset, Marco did what he called the Disney therapy. They would sit down and watch Disney movies. And since Disney movies are always moving and have a deep message to it, Jean would eventually start talking about it because that was what Jean did. He saw the deep meaning of things.

And from there, Marco would then play the therapist card and they would talk about their feelings and watch Disney movies.

Jean knew that Marco was really good at Disney therapy. He always kept calm and he asked the right questions. But at the same time, he wasn't afraid to call him out on his bullshit and that happened often.

But really, Jean really wondered how Marco put up with him. He really did.

Jean had to go through the Disney therapy plenty of times before. They started it during high school, when Jean was stressed about a semester French test.

"But dude, you're French. You should know what to do."

Yeah, it was back when their skills weren't at their best.

Regardless of that, Jean did pass the test with a whopping 75.

Anyways, during the Disney therapy, Jean ranted and rambled. And questioned the meaning of the universe.

But that night's Disney therapy was different. Jean didn't rant as much. He just mostly enjoyed the warmth of his blankets and Marco, letting the existential/midlife [but really early adulthood] crisis's nerves pass.

His mind was set. He was leaving University. There was no use in panicking and stressing about it anymore.

Marco had gone pretty far in life, considering he didn't go to college. But then again, it was because he was Marco. Huge ball of sunshine, nicest guy in the world.

Well, on the last part, Jean backtracked a little bit. Marco really was a friendly guy, but Jean will say it; Marco Bott was the scariest motherfucker on the planet when he's mad.

Marco is really rational. He's always on top of things. He even graduated in the top 10 of his high school class.

But on those rare, really scary occasions, his temper wasn't something to be messed with.

When Marco did get really mad, he was the type of guy that enunciated everything perfectly and didn't break the pissed off tone.

It was scary as fuck.

Luckily, Jean hasn't had to be the one who's in his wrath, but he's seen it happen. It was scary.

They made it until 2 AM, when Marco was mumbling and already at his end of the couch, ready to sleep. Jean fell asleep not too long after Marco. Both had dreamless sleep, something Jean was thankful for in the morning.

Jean woke up to the familiar sunshine through the blinds, mumbling and bringing the covers over his head. He didn't get out of the couch for a while. He didn't even dare look at the clock, knowing that it would just remind him of the test he was supposed to be taking.

But it at least brought some comfort, knowing that he no longer had to attend university.

"Breakfast is ready!"

Marco was always an early riser and was up making breakfast. They altered who made breakfast and lunch. The previous morning was Jean's turn. Today was Marco's. While they both weren't chefs, they learned enough to not burn the apartment down.

He made some eggs with bacon.

Jean came in, still dressed in his old gray sweats and hoodie. His hair was still messy, not bothering to brush it.

"Feeling better?" Marco asked, smiling a little bit.

Jean rubbed at his yes and tried to pat his hair down. "Well, I'm not crying anymore, there's that," he replied flatly.

Marco let out a sheepish smile. "Yeah, I figured."

"Thanks for the food by the way."

"No problem."

"So, what's next?"

"Next for what?"

"You're not going to the Uni anymore. So what's next in the plan?"

Jean shrugged. "I don't really have one. It all really just lost its meaning. I mean, the only reason I stayed in this shitty town was for Uni."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I've been thinking about it. I've lived in Trost my whole life and the only reason I stayed was because of university. And now, I don't really have a reason to stay here anymore."

Now that grabbed Marco's attention. "Where do you want to go, then?" he asked, curious.

Jean had never really brought up the subject of moving with Marco. His destination was nowhere near Trost.

It was in California.

There was a common stereotype that all vloggers knew each other and talked outside the internet and were part of each other's lives. And it was true, well for him and Marco it was.

He had friends in California. Vloggers as well, like him and Marco. They were pretty popular. Sasha Braus, food challenge vlogger, also known as FoodQueenMonarchy. And there was her boyfriend, Connie Springer, who frequently collaborated with her. Jean hasn't had a chance to watch his videos yet but he's a great guy. Equally weird yet loveable, just like Sasha.

Jean has seen California; well, where Sasha and Connie live in anyways. And it was really nice. Affordable even. And it was always a blast there during Playlist Live.

Jean had thought about it plenty of times before, moving to California. They weren't broke or anything, far from it almost. They could afford the luxuries. It served well, having a roommate who's as much as a hard worker he was.

And Jean wasn't poor.

He was serious about his vlogging career. Who knew where it would take it? But Trost…It wasn't for him. He lived there his whole life, and yeah, he had family. But really, it wasn't for him.

"I was thinking of moving to California."

Marco raised an eyebrow. "Well, that was unexpected."

"I mean, I've thought about it before. And I'm not saying this because of that weird crisis I had last night. I'm thinking clear now. But I've honestly have thought about moving to California."

"It's a huge leap from Trost, I'll tell you that."

Jean decided to ask Marco his honest opinion. Jean wasn't planning on moving alone and hey, maybe if Marco tagged along, it would be great.

"Do you want to move to California?"

"It's really far away."

"A day's drive, give or take. But do you want to move to California? Give me your honest opinion."

"Well…" Marco bit his lip, thinking. "California is nice. But do you really want to drop everything and just leave? I mean, it will take a while to sort everything out and actually move."

"But are you up for it?" Jean asked.

"Moving to California? Oh yeah," Marco said sincerely. "I am. But we can't really just drop everything and leave. We need to get ready because there's no use going to California blind. We have to take care of things here first."

Jean nodded. "That's true." When he had to move from his house to another one across town when he was eleven, it took a while to get all of the things and paperwork together. Jean thought it was a hassle at the time. And now, he's an adult so he's supposed to be making adult decisions.

It's gonna be one hell of a while.

But it's going to be worth it.

"So are we doing this? Are we seriously going to move to California?"

"Fuck yeah."

"I need to get rid of all my university shit. I mean, I own all of the books and I didn't rent them or anything. But seeing it around is just gonna make me upset."

"We can donate your textbooks to a bookstore."

"When do we start?"

"Today."

**A/N: Hopefully that wasn't too filler. It was filler. WHOOPS. But yeah! It's something! Next chapter is where it starts getting real and the plot starts to kick in. This is just the exposition! More YouTubers are gonna be in here, just y'all wait…Oh and Attack on Titan dub premiere! I heard it was great! I'm gonna watch it sometime this week if my WiFi comes back from war. **

**Anyways, thank you for reading! Reviews would be GREAT!**


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